Why Uncertainty is Unbearable and What to Do With It
Have you ever found yourself in a situation in life where you had no idea what would happen next and the not-knowing felt physically painful? Your heart was racing, your mind was running through endless scenarios, and maybe you were even having difficulty sleeping?
I've been there too. I used to struggle so much with uncertainty, always questioning what was going to happen, thinking of worst-case scenarios, and no amount of reassurance seemed to help.
Uncertainty isn't just uncomfortable, for many of us, it's genuinely unbearable. But why does our brain react so strongly to the unknown, and more importantly, how can we build a different relationship with life's inevitable uncertainties?
Why Uncertainty Feels Like Physical Pain
Our aversion to uncertainty isn't a personal weakness or failure, it's wired into our neurobiology. The human brain evolved to keep us safe in an often dangerous world and uncertainty represents a potential threat that our brain takes very seriously.
When faced with ambiguity, our brain's threat-detection system, the amygdala, activates, triggering our fight-flight-freeze response. This generates the physical symptoms we associate with anxiety: racing heart, shallow breathing, muscle tension and digestive issues. Research has shown that for many people, uncertainty triggers a stronger stress response than knowing a negative outcome for certain.
In an interesting study, participants were given the option of receiving a guaranteed electric shock immediately or having a 50% chance of receiving a shock later. Most chose the guaranteed shock, the certainty of pain over the uncertainty of potential pain. This demonstrates just how uncomfortable uncertainty can be for our nervous system.
Our discomfort with uncertainty often manifests in three challenging patterns:
1. Excessive information-seeking - When facing ambiguity, many of us try to resolve it by gathering more and more information. You might research endlessly, seek multiple opinions, or repeatedly ask for reassurance. While some information-gathering is helpful, it can quickly become excessive, consuming time and energy without actually increasing certainty.
2. Premature closure - To escape the discomfort of uncertainty, we sometimes make hasty decisions just to have resolution. I've seen clients accept jobs they knew weren't right for them or end promising relationships simply to escape the anxiety of not knowing how things would unfold.
3. Catastrophic thinking - Perhaps the most painful pattern is catastrophising, focusing exclusively on worst-case scenarios. Your mind convinces you that preparing for the worst will somehow protect you, but this intense negative focus usually increases suffering without adding any meaningful support and protection.
The Unexpected Benefits of Embracing Uncertainty
While our instinct is to escape uncertainty as quickly as possible, embracing it may actually be the better route. Often the more certain you try to constantly be, the more anxious you're going to feel. This is because pursuing complete certainty is an impossible goal in an inherently uncertain world. The attempt itself creates a cycle of anxiety.
For me this shift started to happen when I realised that uncertainty isn't just an unavoidable aspect of life, it's what makes life exciting and meaningful.
Think about it, without uncertainty, there would be no surprises, no growth, no possibility of things being better than we imagined. The same openness that allows for disappointment also allows for the joy we can experience through wonder, discovery and situations exceeding our wildest dreams. Imagine how boring and mundane life would be without all of this!
Practical Strategies for Accepting Uncertainty
Building tolerance for uncertainty isn't about forcing yourself to love the unknown (if you can get there then great!) but it’s really about developing skills to remain grounded and be able to function even when life feels unpredictable.
Here are the approaches that have made the biggest difference in my life and for my clients:
1. Name the uncertainty response
Simply labelling what's happening in your body and mind can create valuable distance from the experience. When you notice anxiety rising, try saying to yourself: "I'm experiencing an uncertainty response right now. This is my brain trying to protect me from the unknown."
This simple naming activates your prefrontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, helping to calm the emotional centres that drive anxiety. I've found for my clients that acknowledging "this is uncertainty anxiety" instead of getting caught in the content of their worries immediately reduces their intensity.
2. Distinguish between productive and unproductive worry
Not all worry is the same. Productive worry leads to helpful action, while unproductive worry is repetitive thinking that generates anxiety without solutions.
When uncertainty triggers worry, ask yourself:
Is this worry about something I can influence?
Is there a specific action I could take right now?
Am I discovering new insights, or just rehashing the same thoughts?
If the worry is productive, channel it into action steps and actually take the action, reinforcing in your mind that you are doing what is within you’re control to support yourself. If it's unproductive, acknowledge this and practice letting it go. Reminding your mind you don’t need to worry about this or having dedicated “worry time” can help.
3. Create certainty anchors
While we can't control external uncertainty, we can create anchors of predictability that help our nervous system feel safer. These "certainty anchors" might include:
Morning and evening routines
Regular movement or meditation practices
Scheduled connections with supportive people
Consistent sleep patterns
Rituals that bring comfort and stability
When everything else feels up in the air, these anchors provide a sense of feeling grounded. Become aware of what supports you and make sure you come back to them when you need them.
4. Practice uncertainty exposure
Depending on your levels of anxiety, you can systematically build your uncertainty tolerance through practice. Start with small, manageable uncertainties. For example:
Try a new food without researching it first
Take a different route home without checking the time difference
Watch a movie without reading reviews
Let someone else choose the restaurant
These small exercises build the psychological muscles needed for larger uncertainties. If these feel too challenging for where you’re at right now that’s fine, you might need some more support before starting to challenge this muscle.
5. Cultivate possibility thinking
Uncertainty ultimately means we don't know what will happen. Our brain's negativity bias often fills this space with threats and worst-case scenarios. But positive outcomes are just as possible as negative ones.
When facing an unknown, try this exercise:
Acknowledge the difficult outcomes you're worried about
Spend equal time imagining neutral scenarios
Then imagine unexpectedly positive possibilities
Remind yourself that you don't know which will occur
This isn't about forced positivity but about counterbalancing our natural tendency toward negativity. It can be helpful to write these down too so you can all see them in black and white, and remind yourself of them if you’re falling into catastrophising.
6. Develop self-trust
One of the most powerful ways to support yourself through uncertainty anxiety is a deep belief that whatever happens, you'll find a way through. This isn't blind optimism but a grounded confidence in your capacity to adapt, be resilient and work through whatever happens.
Reflect on past uncertainties you've navigated:
What personal strengths did you draw upon?
What did you learn about yourself?
How did you cope with outcomes you initially feared?
What resources and support were available to you?
How would you approach a situation in the future knowing all of this about yourself?
Building this strong sense of self-trust reminds you that you've faced unknowns before and found your way AND you can do it again!!
7. Practice mindful acceptance and mantras
Part of being ok with uncertainty is accepting that not knowing is a fundamental part of being human. A mindful practice might be simply stating, "In this moment, I don't know what will happen, and that's where I am right now." There can be an enormous relief in surrendering to the truth of not knowing, rather than exhausting yourself in the pursuit of certainty.
I also found it really helpful to create a new mantra around uncertainty, which for me was “the unexpected in life is what makes it so exciting”. I would repeat this to myself over and over again to embed it into my unconscious mind and develop a new belief. Think about how you want to be feel about uncertainty – how can you integrate this mantra into your daily life.
Enjoying Life in an Uncertain World
I believe that our relationship with uncertainty might be one of the most important parts of enjoying life. When we fight against life's inevitable uncertainty, we feel more and more resistance. Accepting it is part of being a human being and shifting your perspective to one of gratitude will help transform your life.
Reflect on the above strategies and experiment with these, see which ones help you the most and as always if you would like my support, please get in touch and book a free discovery call. Let’s chat about how I can support you.
