Feeling Guilty About Slowing Down? How to Release the Pressure and Rest Without Shame
Read if you want to…
Learn about my journey with slowing down.
Understand what could be driving your guilt and shame around slowing down.
Recognise what might need to change so you feel more comfortable with slowing down.
Discover 7 helpful journal prompts to support you in exploring your relationship with slowing down.
Do you ever feel like the moment you pause, the guilt creeps in? Like if you’re not doing, achieving or ticking something off your list, you’re falling behind? You’re not alone. So many women I work with tell me that slowing down feels uncomfortable, even wrong, because their worth and identity is so wrapped up in being busy.
I used to always be go go go, rushing from one thing to the next, squeezing so much into my days. I didn’t even recognise there was another way but slowly things started to change. The pandemic was a big eye opener for me as suddenly I had so much more time and no plans to fill it with but actually in the last year is really where I’ve learnt to slow down. As you may have seen on my Instagram, I really credit baking for helping me to slow down and another big part has been understanding the deeper beliefs and patterns driving my need to be busy.
If this resonates with you, here are some things to explore.
Notice your need for control
If you feel guilty about slowing down, it’s important to look at your relationship with control. What about being in control feels safe for you? This could be linked to what you observed in your parents/significant adults in your life or perhaps life feeling out of control. You might be holding on so tightly because it feels safer but it means you have to do everything, you don’t allow others to help you or to do things in their way. Loosening your grip doesn’t mean everything will fall apart. Sometimes it’s about asking yourself: where can I soften, where can I trust, where can I let things be?
Where is the pressure really coming from?
The pressure to always do more might come from people around you but often it comes from yourself. If it’s internal, get curious about the story you’re telling yourself. Is your worth tied up in how much you achieve? Do you believe you need to be constantly productive to be “good enough”? In order for you to feel more comfortable slowing down, you need to start separating who you are from what you do.
How much of your identity is built on doing?
Many of us grow up praised for being hard-working, reliable, or the one who gets things done. Over time, our identity can become so linked to achievement that the idea of slowing down feels completely wrong. In fact, you might think if I’m not busy that means I’m lazy, so of course you want to be busy. You will be who you think you are, so how can you shape a new identity?
Remember: slowing down is a choice
Slowing down isn’t laziness. It’s choosing to check in with yourself and ask: I could do that, but do I want to? You’re not here to live your whole life on autopilot or to burn yourself out proving something to everyone else. You’re allowed to do things simply because they feel good. Or not to something simply because you want to prioritise yourself and resting. Yes this may be a completely new way of being but the more you start to become aware of the choice you have, the more you can choose to do something different.
Try finding joy in patience
One of the ways I’ve learnt to slow down is through baking. I know this might sound ridiculous but I have to go slow, I have to measure everything out and check everything twice. What I initially found so frustrating with baking is now what I love the most about it, it forces me to go slow because if I don’t it doesn’t taste good! It doesn’t have to be baking, but I encourage you to find something you can do with helps you find joy in being patient, something which really forces you to go slow and be in the moment, not thinking about a million other things, whilst scrolling on your phone and having the TV on in the background.
You don’t have to carry it all
I speak to a lot of women, and I know it is common to feel like everything falls on your shoulders. Whether it’s in your career, at home, in friendships, with your family, the invisible mental load. No wonder you feel pressure to keep going, but you don’t need to carry it all alone. Yes, this is a shift to give yourself permission to step back and I know you’re probably thinking if I don’t do it then who will, but it can change. This is a process but started to ask for support AND accepting it, delegating, learning to say no, letting go of control and allowing other people to take responsibility will help you to feel like you don’t need to do it all.
Redefine what success looks like
If success has always meant being busy and achieving, try creating a new definition. What if success was feeling calm, present and content? What if success was having energy left at the end of the day? You get to redefine what matters to you.
Slowing down is not failure, it’s not laziness, it is such a beautiful way to live life and really experience life. It’s the moment you realise that your worth isn’t defined by what you do, that you don’t need to be in control of everything, that you can accept support and find joy in just being.
Reflection Questions
I encourage you to take a moment for yourself, get cosy with a delicious drink, light a candle and journal on these prompts to support yourself in slowing down:
What part of slowing down feels the most uncomfortable for me and why?
Where in my life am I gripping tightly to control? How could I loosen that grip, even a little?
When I feel pressure to do more, whose voice is it, mine or someone else’s?
What would it mean about me if I slowed down and did less?
How do I want to define success in this season of my life?
What small activity helps me feel grounded, calm and present? How can I make more time for it?
If I truly believed my worth wasn’t tied to productivity, what choices would I make differently?
Here’s to the beauty of slowing down!
Lots of love, Elyssa x
