Your Guide to Defining Success on Your Terms

I want you to forget everything you’ve been told about success because way too many people are striving for something they don’t actually care about.

Maybe you’re successful on paper but you constantly feel like something’s missing or perhaps when you take a step back after a busy day you’re asking why am I actually doing this. Either way I want to help you define your version of success because this is key to you living a happy and fulfilled life. One you actually care about. One that really motivates you.

The Success Trap: What We Think We Need

We're bombarded with messages about what success should look like. Social media feeds us highlight reels of impressive titles, luxury houses, dream holidays and picture-perfect achievements. Society tells us that success means:

• Making more money than your friends

• Climbing the traditional corporate ladder

• Owning the "right" things - house, car

• Getting married, having kids

• Having a prestigious job title

• Being busy all the time

It can feel like there is constantly another box to tick that says yes I am successful, and the more you tick, the happier you will be. Instead, you’re probably finding yourself exhausted and feeling empty despite achieving what you think is success.

The truth is, these factors aren't wrong but when you focus on them without questioning whether they align with your values and desires, you can end up living someone else's life.

Why Defining Your Version of Success Matters

Here's what I want you to realise - success without fulfilment is empty. It might look good on paper, but you won’t feel how you want to feel.

When you don't define success for yourself, you default to society's definition. You end up:

• Feeling constantly inadequate because you're measuring yourself against standards that don't reflect what’s important to you

• Making decisions based on others' expectations rather than what you genuinely want and care about in life

• Experiencing stress and burnout from constantly chasing goals that don't energise you and fill up your cup

• Missing opportunities that could bring real joy and meaning because they don't fit the traditional success narrative

• Feeling like somethings missing because you’re ticking the boxes but they don’t mean anything to you

I felt so much relief when I finally realised I can do things differently. Maybe your version of success is having the flexibility to pick your kids up from school every day. Maybe it's building a business that gives you the freedom to travel. Maybe it's making a meaningful impact in your community, even if it’s not obvious how this will make you money.

Your version of success is important, whatever it looks like.

How to Define Your Version of Success

Ready to get clear on what success actually means to you? Here's the process that transformed my life because once you have this, you have your focus point, you know where you’re heading and you know what to say yes and no to to get you there.

1. Reflect on Your Core Values

Start by identifying what truly matters to you. Ask yourself:

• What activities make me lose track of time?

• When do I feel most alive and energised?

• What would I regret not doing or being at the end of my life?

• If money weren't a factor, how would I spend my days?

Write down your answers without censoring yourself. My list included things like meaningful conversations, having an impact and helping others grow - none of which appeared in my job description at the time.

2. Envision Your Ideal Day

Imagine waking up in your ideal life. Walk through the entire day:

• What time do you wake up, and how do you feel?

• What does your work look like? Where are you doing it?

• Who are you spending time with?

• What activities fill your day?

• How do you feel?

• How do you end your evening?

3. Define Success Across Life Areas

Success isn't just about your career. Consider what it means to you in:

• Relationships: Deep connections? Large social circle? Quality time with family?

• Health: Physical fitness? Mental wellness? Work-life balance?

• Personal Growth: Learning new skills? Overcoming fears? Spiritual development?

• Contribution: Volunteering? Mentoring? Creating something meaningful?

• Financial: Stability? Freedom? Generosity?

4. Create Your Definition of Success

Take some time to reflect on everything you have written down, what are the key themes, what feels most important. Then write down your definition of success. I want this to excite you and feel authentic to you!

Mine is… Success means doing meaningful work that energises me and uses my gifts to help people flourish, building deep relationships, having a positive impact on the world and prioritising my wellbeing and joy.

How to Stay True to Yourself

There can be a lot of noise and external opinions so once you have your definition of success how do you actually live it? Below are some ways I keep myself on track and navigate external pressures.

1. Regular Check-ins

I schedule monthly check-ins to reflect on the following:

• Am I moving towards my version of success or society's?

• What adjustments do I need to make?

• What's working well that I want to continue?

These regular check-ins give me a moment to pause and reflect, especially needed as the months can whizz by so quickly.

2. Surround Yourself with Aligned People

Find people, communities and spaces that align with your idea of defining your own version of success. They don’t need to want the same success but be open to the fact there are many different definitions of success.

3. Celebrate Your Wins

Celebrate yourself and all the choices (even the really mini ones) you’re making that align to your version of success. Acknowledge the courage, acknowledge the steps, acknowledge how you feel, even if no one else is.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

There will be moments when you doubt yourself, when external pressure feels overwhelming or when you wonder if you're making a mistake. This is normal and human. During these times, remind yourself that you're not failing at someone else's version of success - you're succeeding at being authentically you.

5. Navigate Other Opinions

Let’s face it, people love to have an opinion. This is based on their life experience, beliefs and ways of living. I want you to repeat after me – their way of living life does not have to be mine. Think about how you want to respond if someone starts to question your choices. Different perspectives can be extremely helpful, it isn’t about stopping these but about knowing when someone just won’t get your vision and that’s ok.

Your Journey to Success

Defining your own version of success isn't something you do once and forget about, it's an ongoing practice of staying connected to what truly matters to you. As you grow and change, your definition might evolve too and that's perfectly ok, give yourself the freedom to change.

Every time you choose your values over others' expectations and validation, you're building the life you actually want to live. I know it can be scary and daunting to go down a different path but trust me it will be worth it.

I have so much faith in you! You have permission to want what you want. You have permission to create a life that looks different from everyone else's. You have permission to measure your worth by your own standards.

You’ve got this!

For my support defining and living your version of success book a free discovery call.